Look at Those Eyes
by blazinglizard09
Summary: After the war, Tris feels all alone. She feels like everyone has distance themselves from her. She decides there is only one way to fix things. This is the story of her decision, and the results and reactions to it. Veronica Roth owns the world of Divergent and Insurgent! (Formally Picking Up the Pieces)
1. Disclaimer

**THIS IS A DISCLAIMER!**

**This is a completely different type of story than my other one, Falling Back Together. **

**In this story, the video was shown, so Tris and Tori are not on speaking terms. After the video was shown, All of the leaders decided to send everyone, except the traitors and those responsible for the war, back to their factions for the time being. They decided the city needed to recover before they could even begin to discuss opening the gates. This was not unanimous, but it was a majority, so that is what happened. All traitors had been interrogated with truth serum, sentenced, and most executed.**

**Tris, Christina, and everyone involved in getting the video are no longer considred traitors. Everyone realized that what they were oing after was important. Even then, Tori is mad that Tris did not come to her, which is why Tori is not talking to Tris. **

**Tori, Four, and Harrison are still the Dauntless leaders. Cara is now the Eurdite leader. marcus is still the Abnegation leader. Johanna is still the Amity representative. Jacob Kahn is still the Candor represenative, though I may change that later. Any of this may change later in the story.**

**Now to the reason why I need a disclaimer.**

**This story will be focusing greatly of Tris, and her dealing with the aftermath of the war. Her family is dead, Caleb executed. Tori was like a maternal figure to her (I know Tori is like a sister to her in my other story, but after re-reading DIvergent, I realized Tori had a streak of grey in her hair) and they are no longer speaking, most of her friends are dead, Christina and Uriah have pulled away from her (at least in her mind), and things are rocky with her and Four.**

**This will lead her to attempt suicide. I know there have been stories in which she has attempted suicide before. The thing is, none f them are realistic. In most of them, she promises to never try it again, and everyone just moves on. She then goes to leave a perfectly happy life. **

**This is not the case. Suicide is the result of a much deeper psychological issue. This story will deal with the affects that her suicide attempt will have not just on her, but one everyone around her. There will also be a few mentions of cuttin, but not many. **

**THis story will be told from multiple points of view. The majority will be from Tris, Tobias, Tori, CHristina, and Uriah. There will be some from Zeke, Shauna, Lauren, and Harrison as a way of getting outside perspectives. This story will be a way to show the emotional effects suicede, even suicide attempts, have on everyone.**

**They say suicide is a permenent solution to a temporary problem. It is true. If you or someone you know is suicidal, get help. If you even suspect someone is suicidal, get help for them. What ever is going on in you life right now, it WILL get better. Thirty years down the road, you will look back on whatever it is, knowing that it made you stronger.**

**I know it is true. I almost did not survive high school. I woke up blind one day in college. I had multiple brain surgeries and eye surgery within a six month period to try to correct the problem. I was back in school within a year and a half. Everyone though it would at least take me 2 and a half years to return to school. I remember the pain I put my family through when I tried to kill myself during that time. I know what you are feeling if you are suicidal. It WILL get better. People ask if I would change what happed if i could, I tell them no. It made me stronger, and I am grateful that it happened. I would never be where I am today without that experience.**

**So, do not be afraid to get help. **

**I am rating this T, fot obvious reasons. If it should be M, let me know and will change it.**

**AGAIN! THERE WILL BE SUICIDE ATTEMPT/REFFERENCES AND CUTTING. DO NOT READ IF IT WILL TRIGGER ANYTHING.**


	2. Breaking Down

Tris POV

I walk into the dining hall, looking for Tobias. I see him sitting with Tori and Harrison. He smiles, so I head over to him. Harrison nods at me, but Tori glares. I feel hurt. Even though everyone realizes that what I was doing was good for the factions, she does not seem to grasp that concept. I do not know what I can do to get her to see I am sorry. I tried to apologize, but she refused to listen. She had been like a mother figure to me when I came here, but now she barely even looks at me.

When I walk up to the table, Tobias stands up, and hugs me. I go to sit down, but Tori snaps "Leaders only. We are discussing important things." I look at Tobias. He looks at me, sorrow written on his face.

"Wait in my apartment. I will be there in half an hour max." He kisses me briefly on my lips.

I nod and walk away. I hear my name, and see Christina and Uriah sitting on the other side of the dining hall. I walk over to them.

"Hey guys."

"Grab some food and join us. They have cake!" Uriah holds up a huge piece of chocolate cake. I go over and grab a slice of pizza and a slice of cake. I walk back over to Christina and Uriah, and sit down.

"How have you two been?" I ask them.

"Okay," Christina answers.

"Fine," Uriah replies.

I stare into my food, not very hungry. Ever since the war, I haven't been feeling all that hungry. So much was lost. Will, Marlene, Lynn, Mother, Father. Caleb was executed as a traitor. Along with Tori not talking to me, it seems like Christina and Uriah have pulled away from me also. It would make sense. I personally killed Will, and I did not save Marlene. Tobias has also seemed to pull away, especially this past week.

"Tris?" Christina asks. I look up. She and Uriah are looking at me.

"What?"

"You okay?" Uriah asks.

"I'm just really tired. I will see you later." I throw away what is left of my food and head to Tobias' apartment. I am pretty sure Christina has to go to work soon anyway.

I let myself into the apartment with the key Tobias gave me. I sit on the couch, waiting for Tobias to show up. When the time comes that he said he would be here, he is not. I wait another fifteen minutes, then leave. I head to my apartment, and enter. I pace around my living room. I cannot believe he stood me up. I knew he was pulling away from me. He didn't even stand up to Tori! He probably doesn't even love me anymore. I break down and start crying. I just can't take it. Tobias, even if he still loves me somewhat, will find someone better one day, someone who is not broken. Tori would be happier if I was not in the compound. I am just a reminder to Christina and Uriah of what they lost. I grab a pen and paper, and write a note so Tobias knows this is not his fault. I leave it on the table by the door, along with the key he gave me to his apartment. I look around one last time, shut the door, and make my way home.

I grab a huge glass of water and a knife, just in case. I go to my dresser. I had bought these awhile ago, right when we returned to the compound, just in case. I never thought that I would actually use them. I had always thought Al was a coward, but now I understand him in a way I never thought I would.

I open the bottle and pour some pills into my hand, swallowing them down with water. I go into the bathroom, locking the door. I sit down with my back against the bathtub. I place the knife by my side as I continue to take pills. I wonder how long it will take until I start to feel myself slipping away. I look at the knife thoughtfully. I put down the cup and pick up the knife. I take the knife and run it across my wrist. I cry out at the pain. I do it again, harder this time, drawing blood. I put it down, and go back to taking the pills. I keep alternating, until I start to feel really weird. I suddenly hear a knock on my door.

I ignore it. I hear people walking in my apartment, hearing "TRIS!" It was Tobias. He sounds panicked. I wonder why. Oh. He must have found the note. He should not have come yet. I hear multiple voices. I wonder who else is here. I hear pounding on the bathroom door and see the bathroom doorknob jiggle.

"Tris! Open up! Tori! Four! She's in here!" I hear Harrison yelling. So Tori and Harrison are here too. I wonder if they saw the note. I mentioned Tori in it. Wonder how she is doing.

I grab the knife, making the cut deeper. I had been mostly going over the same cut, but had made some other ones. I put down the knife and was swallowing some more pills when I hear weird noises on the other side. My head is starting to feel really strange. I wonder if I am starting to die. I make another cut and swallow more pills when the door comes off. They must have removed the hinges. I see Tobias, Tori and Harrison on the other side. I place the cup down. Tobias comes running over to me.

-Page Break-

Tobias POV

I see Tris go sit with Christina and Uriah. I have been really worried about her. She has been really depressed lately, and nothing I have done seems to help. She has been saying things that have been worrying me. Hopefully my surprise tonight will make her happier. I am ignoring Tori and Harrison as I watch the brief exchange between Tris, Christina, and Uriah. Tris gets up and leaves, barely touching her food.

"Four! Are you paying attention?" Tori snaps at me.

"What?" I say.

"We are trying to have a meeting here!"

"Sorry, Tori. I am distracted."

"What's up?" Harrison asks.

"Worried about Tris."

"What's been going on?"

"She has just been pulling away from everything. She hardly eats, barely smiles, and has been saying things that have me worried. She just seems really depressed. I just hope she doesn't do anything."

""Well, we need to finish this meeting. There is a lot going on outside of your drama," Tori says rudely.

"You need to get over yourself. You are actually part of the problem. You refuse to accept her apology. Everyone else has forgiven her, seen the importance of what she did. Why can't you admit she was right?" I yelled the last bit.

"Let's take this somewhere else." Harrison cut in. Everyone in the dining hall was looking over at the three of us. Tori and I got up and followed him to an unused office, where Tori and I were about to start our fight again. Harrison stopped us. "We need to finish this meeting. Finish this after."

We finish our meeting, which was tense. It was about discussing what we want to bring up at the next faction meeting.

"Now, finish your fight. I will be the mediator." Tori and I looked at Harrison. "I need to make sure you do not kill each other. It would be bad for our morale and image if one of our leaders kills the other."

"Tori and I just look at each other. I look at my watch, and realize I am late.

"I have to go. I am really late." Tori and Harrison walk to my apartment with me. I open the door, and see Tris is not there. I call out for her, with no reply. I double check, and confirm that she is not there. I have a really bad feeling. I voice this out loud.

"I have a bad feeling."

"Why?" Harrison asks.

"I can't explain it. I just do."

"Anything important about tonight anyway? You about ripped my head off earlier?" Tori asks.

I walk over to my dresser, opened it, and removed a ring box. I open it, showing them the ring inside. It is a simple gold band, with a single diamond in the center. "I have wanted to ask her for awhile. She has been so depressed lately. I figured the time was right, and it would help to cheer her up."

"Let's go find her," Harrison said.

"I just have a horrible feeling." I place the ring back in my dresser, and go leave my apartment when I see the note and key.

I pick up the note.

Tobias,

I want to tell you how much I love you. None of this is your fault. I just can't

keep going anymore. My entire family is dead, with my brother executed as a traitor.

Christina and Uriah swear they are no longer mad at me, but they have continued to

pull away from me. Tori, who was always like a mother to me here, won't even look

at me anymore. You are even pulling away from me, especially in this past week.

Sometimes I wonder if you still love me. Even if you do, you deserve someone who is not

broken like me. Here is your key back. I will love you forever. Goodbye.

Tris

I just stare at the note in shock, rereading it to make sure I read it right. I am in shock.

"Oh my god." Tori and Harrison are at my side instantly.

"What is it?" Harrison asks. I shove the note at them, and take off running towards Tris's apartment. I hear them following behind me a few seconds later. I pound on her door when I reach it. Tori and Harrison have caught up to me by the time I take out my keys. I open the door with the key Tris had given me.

"I really hope she is in here" I saw.

"Me too." replies Tori.

"Let's start looking. We don't know how long it has been." Both Tori and I nod at Harrison's words.

We split up. Harrison heads back towards the bathroom area, I head towards the bedroom, and Tori heads towards the kitchen. I hear him pounding on something.

"Tris! Open up! Tori! Four! She's in here!" I hear Harrison yelling. I run to him. Tori comes also, carrying a screwdriver.

We take the door off the hinges, after a quiet discussion that it would be better not to break down the door. We do not know where in the bathroom Tris is located, and we do not know the state of her health. I think we are all refusing to believe that she is dead. I am praying that she is still alive. After what seems like forever, we finally remove the hinges. We take off the door, and see Tris sitting against the tub. She has a knife on her right, a bottle of pills on her left, and is holding a cup in her hand. She places the cup down. I run over to her. I notice her arm is bleeding, and see cuts on her arm. Her pupils are extremely dilated, and she is not focusing on anything. I try to hug her, but she fights me off. I go to grab the bottle of pills and the knife but she attacks me.

I back off slightly. Tris grabs the knife again, cutting her other arm this time. She then places it in her lap instead of on the floor, like she is trying to keep me from getting it. She takes another handful of pills from the bottle and swallows them down with the water. I go to her again, but this time she comes at me with the knife. I look to Tori and Harrison for help. They move into the bathroom, while I try to talk to Tris. I hope this tactic will work better. She grabs the pills again. I get what she had been doing, alternating between pills and knife. I see the realization dawn on Tori's and Harrison's faces also.

"Tris? Honey? Hon?" I have never called her that in public, I rarely call her that in private. I am just trying anything I can to get her to listen to me, trying to get through to her. "Please Tris. Talk to me. Say something. Anything." I move a little closer to her, staying out of reach in case she decides to attack me again. "Please, Tris. I love you." I can't take it anymore, talking is doing nothing. I cannot keep watching her doing this to herself. I go to her, and see Tori and Harrison move with me. When Tris attacks, Tori disarms her, and Harrison takes the pills. I just grab Tris. She tries to fight me off, but I don't let her. I am crying now, while just murmuring nothings into her hair trying to calm her down. We need to get her to the infirmary, but with the way she is fighting, it is not safe. I need to calm her down some. I tell this to Tori as she watches me.

-Page Break-

Tori's POV

I am holding the knife in my hand, and Harrison is holding the pills. We back out of the bathroom, trying to give Four and Tris space. Harrison stops and picks up something. I look at him. "Wrapper for the bottle. It was brand new. We can tell the doctors in the infirmary that it is safe to assume she took whatever is missing." I nod, watching the scene in the bathroom in silence. Four is crying, while Tris is trying to fight him off. He appears to be murmuring stuff to her, trying to calm her down. He tells me he is trying to calm her down, and that it is not safe to take her to the infirmary with how she is fighting. Unfortunately I agree. The only problem is that time is not on our side, we have no idea how long it has been since she started taking the pills.

I see Harrison come back from the kitchen. He tell me, loud enough for Four to hear "She took about ¾ of the bottle." Four pales.

"We need to get her to the infirmary now," I tell them. Four just nods. He scoops up Tris, who is still fighting him, blood trailing down her arms. Harrison hands Four bandages. I help wrap them around Tris' arms. I am then passed the bottle of pills, and I grab the note before shutting the door.

We run to the infirmary. I keep thinking about the note. I feel terrible. What Tris and Four don't know is that I am a big reason to why Christina and Tris were not tried as traitors. Many leaders wanted to try them. Four was not allowed to be in this discussion. Luckily, neither was Evelyn. Both were sent out due to a conflict of interest. I had a huge influence since I directly fought Tris. When I told the other leaders that Tris and Christina, and the others had made the right decision to help the factions, the leaders listened. It was almost unanimous to let them off. I only wish Marcus was not included in that group since I hate how he had treated Four when Four was growing up. The only reason I have not forgiven Tris is because of pride. I wish she had come to me about the thing with Marcus. She always came to me during initiation. I was just hurt when she didn't that time. I just wish I had realized sooner the impact I was having on her.

Tris is still fighting. Four has stopped crying, but Tris has started screaming and crying now. We are getting looks, but none of us care. Luckily, Harrison runs ahead of Four and me, clearing the way. He made it to the infirmary before the two of us. There is a doctor on standby. I see Christina standing by the desk.

I tell her that she is excused for the rest of today.

"What?"

"You heard me." Four, Harrison, a doctor, and a different nurse had gone back with Tris. I had stopped Christina from going back.

"I am working right now. I have a few more hours left on my shift."

"Well, it is over a few hours early. Enjoy your free time."

A doctor comes over now, to see what is going on.

"She is kicking me out." Christina points to me.

"She told you to go, so you are dismissed, Christina. I will see you tomorrow. Enjoy your night." The doctor tells her. Christina walks off to get her stuff in a huff.

-page break-

Christina's POV

I cannot believe Tori is sending me home early. I hate her! I mean, she hasn't forgiven Tris yet, and she obviously hates me. I wonder what happened to Tris. I saw Four bring her in. He was carrying her. She looked like a mess. She was covered in blood, and so was Four. Four looked like he had been crying, and looked like he was holding back tears. Tori looked pale. Harrison looked worried when he ran in a minute before Tori and Four, saying to get a bed ready. Of course, everyone did since he was a leader and all.

I walk back to the exit after I grab my stuff, but stop when I hear talking.

"It was a brand new bottle. We found the wrapper." It was Tori.

"So it is safe to assume that she took whatever is missing?" The doctor asks"

"Yes." This is Harrison.

"Any idea what triggered this?" This is the doctor speaking again.

"She had been acting depressed, not eating much, and pulling away. Did someone bring the note?" Four asked this.

"She left a note?" The doctor asks again.

I look around the corner in time to see Tori hand the doctor a note. The doctor reads it.

"I am assuming the Tori mentioned is you, Tobias is…"

"Me," Four says.

"And Christina and Uriah?" The doctor asks.

"Her best friends. The Christina mentioned is the nurse I…" Tori started to say.

"Sent home early. I understand now. It would not be good for either one of them at this point in time."

I take all of this information in. Suddenly a nurse comes running out. "Doctor, she is having a seizure!" The doctor runs off. I step around the corner, and the three leaders turn to me.

"How much did you hear?" Four asks.

"Enough." I tell them.

"Christina…" Tori starts.

"Don't okay. I knew something was going on with her. I knew she was upset and depressed. I thought she just needed time. Uriah and I thought it would be best to give her space, and she would talk when she was ready."

We all turn as the doctor comes back in. "We have stabilized her. She has been sedated, and it is recommended that no one visit her for awhile. You can all wait here or comeback later if you wish."

"I am going to go change and get the others. I will be back in a little bit." I give Four a chance to stop me, but he doesn't. He looks horrible. I feel so bad for him and Tris. I run home and throw on jeans, sneakers, tennis shoes, and put my hair into a ponytail. I wash my face and do not bother with make-up. I run to Zeke and Uriah's apartment, praying that they are there. I bang on the door. Zeke opens it.

"Hey what…"

"Is Uriah with you?"

"Yeah." I see Uriah.

"Infirmary now. Tris apparently tried to kill herself. It is bad."

The brothers take off running. I head to Lauren's apartment now, and Shauna answers. I see Lauren behind her. I tell them the same thing I told the boys, and they take off. I am right behind them. We all get to the infirmary waiting room and sit, waiting for news.


	3. Initial Reactions

Uriah's POV

We are all sitting in the waiting room. No one is talking. All I know is what Chris told us at the door. From the slightly confused looks on Lauren and Shauna's faces, I have a feeling that she told them the same thing she told us. Harrison and Tori are sitting near Four, who is sitting on the ground in the corner, covered in blood. Actually, now that I take a closer look, all three of the leaders have blood on then. Four just has the most on him. I want to ask what happened, but know not to open my mouth. Zeke, Shauna, Lauren, Christina agreed not to ask questions at the moment.

I feel horrible. I keep thinking if I could have done anything to prevent this. Tris was so depressed lately. She was quite, refusing to hang out with us a lot, and really wasn't eating. Chris and I kept trying to get her to talk and just come hang out with us. We even just tried to convince her to just hang out with us in one of our apartments. We didn't care if she talked or not. When she refused, we decided to give her time. I wasn't happy, but I figured that she would decide to talk when she was ready.

The war took so much from all of us. I know Tris was still obsessing about how she killed Will. Christina had assured Tris that it was okay. I have a feeling that Tris does not believe Christina. Christina is still upset, but she does not blame Tris. She blames Jeanine, Max, Eric, and everyone else who decided that it was a good idea to start the war in the first place. I know that Tris blames herself for Marlene's death. She saved Hector over Marlene, and Christina saved the little girl. I do not blame ether of them. I blame those who caused the war. With Will, Marlene, and Lynn dead, Christina and Tris are the only friends I have left from before the war

Four looks like crap. He is not crying now, but I can tell he was. Tori is extremely pale, and looks like she is holding back tears. Harrison just looks worried. I signal to Christina, and we walk out of the waiting room. She comes, and Zeke, Lauren, and Shauna follow. The leaders look at us, but I just shrug. I lead them to a place where we will not be overheard until turning to Christina.

"What do you know?"

"All I know is that she took ¾ of a bottle of pills and wrote a note that mentioned you, Tori, Four, and me. She also had a seizure. She also was covered in blood when she came in. I am guessing that she cut her arms up because Tori said she had a knife by her. She was fighting, crying, and screaming when she was carried in by Four. The doctors sedated her. They are not letting anyone visit her, at least right now. Tori is the one who sent me off shift."

"Sounds like Tori, Harrison, and Four found her," Lauren said, "based on what you said."

"I feel horrible. I could tell something was going on. I thought she just needed time." Christina is crying now. I wrap my arms around her. "I feel so bad. I never should have pulled back. I feel like I abandoned her."

"We all thought that. I don't think anyone saw this coming. Trust me, I feel the same way you do about how we handled the situation." I am trying to calm her down.

"The best thing we can do right now is be there for her. She will need all of us." Shauna comes over, putting her arms around Christina, so I back off.

"I am going to go get Four another shirt, in case he wants to change. This will be tearing him up inside. Did you know he was going to propose to Tris?" Zeke asks all of us. We all stare at him in shock. We all just shake our heads.

"I will go get Tori and Harrison shirts," I say, "They also have blood on them."

"I will come with you," Christina says. I nod at her.

"We will go get food and coffee for everyone. I have a feeling that no one will be sleeping for awhile." Lauren states as she and Shauna head off.

"Meet here in fifteen minutes!" I call. Everyone says okay, and we all head off.

I am silent as Christina and I make our way to Harrison's apartment first.

"Any idea how to get in?" Christina asks.

I just knock on the door. It is open by a woman, Harrison's wife.

"May I help you?" She asks.

"I need a new shirt for Harrison. Tris was in an accident, and Harrison has blood on his from helping Four get Tris to the infirmary. He does not to leave Four alone right now," I tell her. She nods and leaves, returning with a shirt. I thank her and walk away.

"Okay, that was easy, but as far as I know, Tori is not living with anyone. How are we going to get her a new shirt?"

"No idea, Chris. Do you know her size?"

"No."We are silent, until I realize something.

"Do you even know where she lives?"

"No. I thought you did."

We meet up with the others. "We did not get Tori a shirt. No idea where she lives," I inform them.

"That's okay. I realized you didn't. I handled it." I look at Zeke in shock. "I remembered that Harrison's apartment was on the opposite end from Tori's. All of the leaders have spare keys to each other's apartments. I grabbed Tori's from Four's apartment, and grabbed a shirt from her closet." We all stared at him.

Lauren broke the silence first. "The coffee is getting cold. We might as well make our way back." We all nod and head back to the infirmary.

-page break-

Harrison's POV

Tori, Four, and I look up as Uriah, Christina, Lauren, Shauna, and Zeke walk back in. "Any news?" Christina asks. I shake my head.

"Here." Uriah hands me a new shirt, while Zeke hands Four and Tori shirts. Lauren and Shauna hand us coffee and muffins.

"Thanks," I say, while Tori nods and Four just kind of sits there. I go over to the bathroom and change into the shirt. I figure it is the least I can do after the others took the time to get it for me. Tori follows suit. Four doesn't do anything. I think he is in shock. I have no idea how to help him, except to be here for him.

"Is she okay?" Shauna asks.

"She had another seizure," I tell them, "They gave her more medication." They all just take a seat.

I think back to seeing him in the bathroom, holding in to Tris while she was fighting him. I do not remember ever seeing him cry before. I know he is hurting. I have never been close to him, not like the others here have. Tori was like a mother figure to Tris. The others here are Tris's and Four's best friends. Four and I have developed a kind of friendship, but it is nowhere near as close any of these here are. I am staying because Four is out of it, and Tori is right behind him. The note tore her up. I am probably one of the only ones here in Dauntless who knows the role she played in keeping Tris and Christina safe, and she swore me to secrecy. I kept trying to convince her to talk to Tris, but Tori refused.

After several hours, the doctor walks back out. "She is waking up, but is extremely tired and out of it. I do not recommend anyone visiting her tonight. Everyone should go home and go to sleep. Come back tomorrow, and then maybe a few of you can see her if she does not have another seizure."

I thank the doctor as we all stand up. He nods and walks back towards the room Tris is in. I turn to Four.

"Where are you staying tonight?" He looks startled.

"You are not staying by yourself tonight," Tori tells him.

"He is coming with us," Zeke says. When Four goes to protest, I cut in.

"it is either them or me. Take your pick."

"Fine." He walks off with Zeke and Uriah. I turn to Lauren.

"Christina is staying with you and Shauna tonight." They all look taken aback but nod and file out. I turn to Tori. "You will be staying with me. Please do not argue. We will go grab stuff for you, and you will stay in my guest room. Plus, my wife will be mad if she finds out what happened and I did not force you to come." She smiles weakly and follows with me. We stop by her apartment, and then continue to mine, where we wait until morning.

-page break-

Zeke's POV

I make sure Four keeps up with Uriah and me as we head to our apartment. We stop by his so he can grab some stuff for the night, but I go in with him.

"I do not need a babysitter, Zeke!" He snaps at me.

"I am worried about you, Four. I have never seen you this upset. I know how much you love Tris. I just want you to know we will all be here for the both of you, no matter what it takes." He just nods.

He heads over to his dresser, and opens it to grab clothes. His hand hesitates, before pulling something out. I recognize a ring box. "Is that…"

"Yeah."

I have no idea what to say. He was planning on proposing tonight, and I know he was so excited. He had been keeping away from Tris in order to avoid spilling the beans.

"What was so special about tonight? I mean, why today in particular?"

"It was the day her parents became engaged. I figured it would be a way to make her feel connected to them during our wedding. This is actually her mother's wedding ring. I just had a diamond put on it. I had an old friend of Tris, a girl named Susan, get it for me. It took work, but she came through in the end."

I stare at Four. I knew he loved Tris. Anyone could tell, but I never knew how much. The fact that he put so much effort into this, it was amazing.

"She will be okay Four. I promise."

"It's just that, why wasn't I enough? I love her so much, and I know she loves me too. I told her I was always there for her, and that she could tell me anything. Why didn't she come to me if she felt this way? I knew something was wrong. I never should have left her alone. I figured she needed space, and it gave me the perfect opportunity to get the ring. I have been so busy I should have realized something more was going on. And with what she had been saying. How could I have been so blind and stupid?"

Four sits on the floor and starts crying. I have never seen him this broken, except when Tris left for Erudite during the war. Even then, it was never as bad as this. I walk over and sit next to him.

"When I found her in the bathroom, Tori and Harrison were there, it was bad. She was covered in blood, her arms cut up. There was a knife by her side. An almost empty bottle of pills and water near her. When I went to her, she attacked me. It was like she didn't recognize me. I couldn't knock her down. I had never been so helpless. When she went to Erudite, I knew there was a chance I could get her back. Today, I felt completely helpless. She came after me with the knife. Tori and Harrison came and helped me. I have never felt so helpless. What will I do, Zeke?"

I look at him. I am known as a joker around the compound, the first with a wisecrack or a prank. Now, I know it is time to be serious. It is a side I do not pull out often.

"It is okay to feel helpless sometimes, Four. You do not need to be strong all of the time. You have all of us here for you. We all care about you and Tris. We will all be here, no matter what happens or what it takes. You will both get through this. It will take time, but you can do it. Think of this from Tris's point of view. She lost her entire family to the war, whether as a casualty or execution. She killed one of her friends, who had been her best friend's boyfriend. She let one of her friends jump off of a building. Another friend died. Her mother figure here in Dauntless won't even look at her, let alone accept any apologies. Her two remaining friends from initiation had backed off recently. They did it to give her space, though Tris did not know that. She thinks Chris and Uriah hate her, since she shot Will and let Marlene jump off the building. You backed off to give her space and get the ring. She probably thinks she did something to you. It is a lot to take in. She is broken. There is only so much a person can hide inside before they break completely. Tris is like you. She tries to keep it all in, not needing anyone. It just became too much for her."

I watch as he takes in everything that I said. "When did you become so deep?"

I just shake my head. "Let's grab your stuff. I'm tired. We should get to the infirmary early tomorrow."

He agrees. We grab his things, and then head to my apartment, where Uriah already is. Four insists on taking the couch, even though both Uriah and I try to refuse. We finally give up.

"We take shifts," I tell Uriah, "Make sure he stays all night." That is what we do. I hear him cry almost all night.

-page break-

Lauren's POV

Shauna and I lead Christina to our apartment, making a pit stop so she can grab a few items. All she grabs is a t-shirt, hairbrush, a pair of jeans, pajamas, and toiletries. "No make-up?" I try to joke. She just glares. I shut up. When we reach the apartment, She insists on taking the couch. I tell her no, but she says she wants to.

"I won't sleep anyway." I just shrug, and head back to my room to get ready for bed. As soon as I am done, I go back out to the living room, and Shauna goes to get ready. When she is done, I tell Christina she can get ready. She is back in about five minutes. She just sits on the couch, staring into space.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"You mean, besides Tris trying to kill herself, and part of it being my fault?" She bursts out crying. Shauna glares at me. I try again.

"it's not your fault. You did not make Tris try to kill herself. There was a lot going on with her, anyone could see it. We all thought space would be good for her." She just cries harder. I look to Shauna for help. She has always been better with words than I have been.

She walks over. "Christina. Why don't you try to go to sleep? It has been a crazy day. We can deal with everything tomorrow. Hopefully we can see Tris then." Christina nods. Shauna and I get off the couch and head to our rooms. I turn to Christina, who is laying on the extra pillow I had given her and is pulling up the blanket. "Do you think she will be okay?"

"Yeah," Shauna told me, "I am going to leave the door open anyway so that I can hear if anything happens, just in case." I nod and head to my room. Tomorrow will be crazy.


	4. The Next Morning: A Decision

**A/N I do not own anything**

**This chapter starts to get into the recovery more. If anyone seems OOC, I apologize. Suicide brings out emotions in people that they did not know they had, and makes hem act in different ways. I was actually going in a different direction with this story right around the second page break, but I liked this better. The beginning of the next chapter would have gone after Four falls asleep, and Four waking up would have been in the next chapter. I just thought this worked out better.**

**Possible trigger warning. Mention of suicide and bandaged arms in terms of the emotions.**

Shauna's POV

I wake up early the next morning. I am unsure why, until I hear noises coming from the area of the kitchen. I look at the clock besides my bed, and see that it is 6:18. I get out of bed and head to my bedroom door. I look over to the couch, and notice that Christina is not on it. I walk to the kitchen, and see her standing by the stove.

"Hey." I see her jump. It is obvious that she did not hear me come in. "Sorry to startle you."

"It's fine. Did I wake you up, Shauna?"

"No. I didn't really sleep much last night. What are you making?"

"Tea. Want some?"

"Why not. How are you holding up, Chris?"

I watch as she takes the water off of the stove. I grab two tea bags and put them into two mugs. I pour the water into the mugs, and bring them to the table. I watch Christina as we both sit down. She wraps her hands around the mug, like she is trying to absorb its warmth.

"I just feel like there was some way I could have stopped this. I should have known what Tris would do."

"You're not a mind reader."

"I am a nurse. I was trained to recognize signs. Why couldn't I see them in her?" Christina is crying now. I get up and put my arms around her.

"She was hiding everything well. A big part of it is probably due to growing up in Abnegation."

"I knew she was upset about her parents and brother. We tried to get her to talk, but she refused. She said plenty of others lost loved ones, that she was fine. She was worried about you, Shauna."

The corners of my lips turn up slightly. "She came to me right after we got back to the compound. She wanted to let me know that she was here for me. I wasn't really talking to her then, because she is Divergent. Zeke basically yelled at me then. When we found out I would be able to walk, she was one of the first to congratulate me. No matter how rude I was, she was always there. We will all be here for her, Chris."

We look up and see Lauren walk into the kitchen, yawning. "So this is where the party is at. What are you drinking?"

"Tea," I inform her.

"Want some?" Christina offers. I laugh at the disgusted look on Lauren's face.

I glance at the clock. It is 6:35. "Who wants first shower?" I ask.

"I call it." Lauren walks off. Christina and I just sit in the kitchen in silence for 10 minutes until Lauren comes back. "Next."

When it is obvious that Christina isn't moving, I get up and shower. I am back in the kitchen in about 10 minutes also. We force Christina to take a shower, and we leave the apartment to head for the infirmary just after seven.

When we reach the infirmary, we run into Zeke and Uriah. They are carrying food and coffees. Lauren, Christina, and I grab some stuff from the boys and head into the waiting room. We see Four, Harrison, and Tori already in there. It is obvious that no one got much sleep, and it looks like Four didn't sleep at all. Zeke passes out the coffee and food to everyone. He tries to make conversation, but no one is really in the mood.

Looking around at the group, I can tell that Four, Uriah, Christina, and Tori are the most affected by everything. Four is obviously the closest to Tris. Christina and Uriah are her best friends. I am not quite sure what the relationship between Tori and Tris was like before the war, but I know that they seem to hate each other now. From the little bit I found out from Zeke, Tori had been like a mother to Tris. Something obviously happened. I know from Christina that those four were mentioned in the note Tris left for Four to find.

Zeke is hurting because of Four and Uriah. Most people know him as a joker and prankster, and that is what he likes people to see him as. What most people don't realize is that he really does have a sensitive side. He would rather die than see someone he cares about in pain. Four is his best friend, and Uriah is brother. Even though Zeke would never say it, the fact he cannot take away their pain is killing him inside.

Lauren keeps glancing worriedly at Four. I keep thinking back to the last initiation, when Tris was an initiate. When we all figured out why Four was so happy, we gave him a hard time. After the war was all said and done, we were all hoping he could finally have his happy ever after. Tris changed him, even more than he probably realized. She softened him, smoothed out the rough edges. I am sure Lauren is worried about what would happen if Tris had not been found in time. Harrison seems to be thinking a similar thought, if the way he keeps glancing at Four is any indication. I know from Christina that he was with Four and Tori when they found Tris.

We all look up when the doctor, the same one from last night, walks in.

"She had a bit of a rough night. She had a couple of small seizures early on, but they appear to have stopped. She is sleeping at the moment. We are monitoring her closely, and are giving her oxygen in order to help her body recover faster. Two people can go in at a time to see her if you would like. Just keep the noise down." He waits for us to decide who is going in.

We all look at Four. He stands up, hands in his pockets and his head down. The doctor looks around, as if silently asking if anyone else is coming. By an unspoken agreement, we all agree that Four needs time alone with Tris. The doctor leads Four down to the room where Tris is.

"Why don't you go next, Chris?" I say. Everyone looks at me in shock. "Two people can be in there at once. I think we all agree that Four stays. So Christina will go first, then Uriah. WE can figure out the rest." Everyone just nods.

After about 30 minutes, the doctor comes out and asks if anyone else wants to go. Christina stands up and follows him.

-Page Break-

Tobias' POV

It is silent as the doctor leads me to the room that Tris is in. He stops me just outside the door.

"What is your relation to Tris?" I just stare at him in shock. "We need to establish her relations to everyone mentioned in the note." I sigh.

"I am her boyfriend. I was hoping to make it fiancée last night but…"

"Were there any changes in her behavior recently?"

"She hadn't been eating really, she had been really quite, and not really interacting with people as much. I just thought it was everything with the war finally catching up with her. I kept trying to talk with her, and so did everyone else. It wasn't working, so we decided to give her space. I used that time to get the ring. I have been busier this week than usual. It took a lot of work to get the ring and keep it a secret from her, plus there have been a lot of meetings and things with all of the factions that Tori, Harrison, and I needed to deal with."

"Why do you think Tris tried to kill herself last night?"

"She came to sit with me at dinner, but I was having a discussion with Tori and Harrison, and Tori was really rude to her. I promised to meet Tris in my apartment in about 30 minutes. Everything that Tori, Harrison and I were discussing wound up taking longer than I thought."

He is writing things down onto his clipboard. "Is she really going to be okay, doctor?"

"I'm going to be honest with you. From everything you have told me, and from the note and her actions yesterday, Tris is extremely depressed. She will survive the overdose, but she will need a lot of help to overcome her depression. Suicide is an expression of a deeper psychological issue. People usually turn to it when they feel like there is no way out, that death is the only release from their pain. Once Tris is physically healthy again, we are going to go over our options in order to get her help."

"What kind of help?"

"We used to have a program here that was shut down right after Jeanine and Max became leaders. We have recently been discussing opening it again. It was a program that specialized in psychiatry. WE actually used to see quite a few people. We treat everyone from suicide attempts to severe alcoholics to those who just needed someone to talk to."

"I thought that was restarted, that we leaders okayed that starting back up?"

"We used to have an inpatient ward here in the infirmary. Those who had tried to kill themselves or hurt themselves were kept under 24 hour watch and those who were alcoholics were kept away from alcohol."

"I know about this. We have sent people there at a doctor's request for alcohol treatment."

"Yes, but I think Tris should go. It would be a place for her to get help, and someone will be watching her 24 hours to make sure she will remain safe." I just stare at him. I have no idea how to respond.

"Well, you want to see Tris now?" I just nod. He opens the door and leads me in.

I stare at Tris for a few seconds, taking in her appearance. She is hooked up to monitors that are keeping track of her vital signs. She has an IV in one arm, and oxygen is entering through a tube in her nose. Her left arm is bandaged. I think back to how I found her the previous night. Tears start to sell in my eyes. I blink them back furiously. I have always hated to see her in pain. It has always made me hurt inside. The fact that she felt the only way to deal with her emotional pain was to physically harm herself just makes my inner turmoil worse. I just wish i could make her troubles go away.

"I will give you some time alone."

"Yeah. Thanks. Someone else can come back in about fifteen minutes. I just want some time alone with Tris." He nods and walks out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

I walk over to a chair and pull it close to the bed. A sit down, and grab Tris' right hand. I brush hair away from her face, and bend down to place a kiss on her head. "I love you." I whisper this to her, my lips pressed against her head. I turn my head so that my cheek is pressed against her forehead. I finally let the tears I have been holding back fall. As I am crying, I keep whispering how much I love her, and how sorry I am that I did not see how much she was hurting. Tears just keep falling. I move my head from hers and place it on my arms. The tears just keep coming. I feel myself drifting off to sleep. I try to fight it, but fail.

-page break-

I hear a slight rustle. I am up in an instant. I look around. I realize I am still in the hospital room, and Tris is still lying on the bed in front of me. I rub my face with the hand not holding hers, rubbing the last of sleep from my eyes. I look at Tris. She seems to be stirring, which is the source of the rustling I heard. I grip her hand tighter, and place a kiss on her forehead. I move a piece of hair that had fallen into her face. As I am doing this, her eyes flutter open. "Hey," I tell her softly. I smile at her, leaning down and kissing her forehead again. She looks confused.

"Tobias? What happened? Where am I? Why do I feel so tired?" I am about to answer when the doctor comes in.

"Hello, Tris? How are you feeling today?"

"Confused and tired."

"That is normal after an experience like you had. Do you remember anything?"

Tris hesitates for a moment, thinking. Suddenly, she starts to cry. 'I'm sorry. I just…Everything is so hard…I don't know what to do…I can't take it…I need it to end…" She is in hysterics now. I am trying to calm her down, but nothing is working. I have no idea what to do. It is like last yesterday all over again. Tris is hurting, and I cannot fix it. It hurts me to see her in this much emotional pain. A nurse comes in with a needle and injects the medication into Tris. After a few seconds, Tris starts to calm down, eventually falling back asleep. The doctor motions for me to follow him.

I walk with him out into the hallway. "How are you doing, Four?" I stare at him.

"I'm fine."

"Don't lie. I can tell by your face that you are not. Come with me." He leads me down another hallway and into an office. He motions to a chair. I sit in it, and he sits across from me. "How are you really handling this?"

"Do NOT try to psychoanalyze me." I tell him.

"That is not my intention. I know how hard suicide and suicide attempts can be on the family and friends. I am just want to make sure you understand that this will not be easy on anyone. I am going to insist that Tris stay on our unit. If she won't stay willingly, I will need at least two leaders to sign off on keeping her against her will." I gape at him. He holds up his hand to keep me from speaking. "I know that may seem harsh, but it will be in her best interest. In the majority of suicide cases, the victim had at least one failed attempt. On our unit, Tris can be monitored, while receiving the help she needs."

I sit there, having no idea what to say. He continues. "At first, I thought maybe is she just stayed with someone and came in everyday, she would be fine. But her breakdown a few minutes ago showed me that plan would not be sufficient. Why don't you go home and sleep. Come back later. Make sure you discuss this with Tori and Harrison."

I just nod and walk out of the room. I make my way to the waiting room. Everyone seems tense, but they all look up when I walk in.

"How is she?" asks Shauna.

"She woke up, but they had to sedate her," I tell them numbly.

"What is the plan for releasing her?" Uriah asks.

I look at Tori and Harrison. "The doctor wants to keep her here for awhile, even once she is recovered physically. He may need help with that though." I can tell they understand the unspoken part of my statement, though no one else does.

"What does that mean?" Lauren sounds confused.

"Just that she may need some extra help working though everything," Harrison tells him.

The doctor comes out at this moment. "I see everyone is still here. Since Tris is sleeping, I suggest everyone either go and get some rest or go and do something else. I am sorry, but we need this space in case something happens." We all go to leave, but he calls out 'Tori, Harrison, and Four! A word?"

The three of us follow him to his office. 'I am sure Four has informed you of my intention in keeping Tris here, even against her will." Tori and Harrison nod. "I would rather have the matter taken care of just in case she refuses treatment. I have filled out and signed the paperwork. I just need signatures from two of you. Four, you cannot sign. Tori, normally, you could not sign since you were mentioned in her note, but we need a majority of leaders. Four is out since he is in a relationship with her. So you will have to sign."

I see Tori and Harrison look over the paperwork. They hand it to me before they sign it, just so I can take a look. "It is different from other ones we have signed."

"Yes. This one is for psychiatric reasons. Not alcohol or rehab." Tori and Harrison sign the paperwork.

The doctor thanks them. "I really hope Tris will agree to help on her own, but I remember from before that it did not always work that way."

"She is really going to hate me now, isn't she?" I didn't mean to voice that thought out loud.

"She might for awhile. You need to be prepared for that, all three of you. You should prepare her other friends for that as well. Many suicidal people get angry with those who prevent them from succeeding in their plans to kill themselves. It is only after they start to get and accept help that the anger starts to leave. Tris will forgive and thank you all one day. Just remember, it will be a long and hard road for everyone."

We thank him, bid goodbye and walk out the door.


	5. Is it My Fault?

Christina's POV

I follow the doctor back. He stops me, and starts asking me questions.

"So you are Tris' best friend?"

"Yes."

"How long have you two known each other?"

"Since the first day of our initiation."

"Why would she think you are still mad at her?"

"During the first simulation attack, that first night of the war, she killed my boyfriend. I was mad at her for a long time. It took me awhile to realize his death hurt her just as much as it was hurting me because they were friends."

"You're not mad at her anymore? That is not why you pulled away?"

"The only ones I am mad at about Will's death are the idiots who decided it would be a good idea to start the war in the first place. I thought Tris just needed time, so I was trying to give her some space. I had thought I made it clear that she could come to me anytime she needed to talk." The doctor just nods and makes some notes. He leads me to the room and opens the door.

I go in, but notice that Four appears to be asleep. He is holding Tris' hand tightly, like she will disappear if he lets go. I go over, careful not to make noise, making sure he is asleep. I look at Tris. She is still asleep. She is hooked up to monitors, has an IV, oxygen tube, and her arms are bandaged. I walk to the door, take one more look to make sure Four did not wake up, and then walk out. I close the door quietly and go find the doctor.

"Four is sleeping. I don't think he slept at all last night. Try to keep anyone from disturbing him." The doctor nods, so I make my way back to the waiting room.

"That was fast," Tori says.

"Four was asleep. I figured he did not sleep at all last night, so it would be best to let him rest."

"He didn't. If it wasn't Four, I would think he was up all night crying." Uriah was trying to make a joke, but one glare from Tori shut him up instantly.

"How did she look?" Tori asks this, and I can't help it. I finally snap.

"WHY THE HELL DO YOU CARE? IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T TREATED TRIS LIKE CRAP THE ENTIRE TIME WE HAVE BEEN BACK! SHE HAS TRIED TO APOLOGIZE AND EXPLAIN HOW MANY TIMES?" Everyone stares at me in shock. Tears are streaming down my face. "Everyone knows how much you hate Tris. You have hated her ever since the final fight at Erudite. Why the HELL do you even pretend to care about her?"

-page break-

Harrison's POV

Everyone stares at Christina in shock. Tori seems to snap out of her state of shock quicker than anyone else. "Look, I care about Tris just as much as anyone else here."

"You have a funny way of showing it. You won't even look at her, and you leave the room anytime she enters!"

"I am a huge reason why neither you nor Tris were executed as traitors!"

This seems to quiet Christina down. She stares at Tori in shock, along with everyone else. They all turn to me, except for Tori. I just look at Tori. She had sworn me to secrecy, against my better judgment. I wanted to tell everyone what happened, but Tori refused. Tori just nods at me, indicating that I should explain what happened the night the video was shown. I can tell from the look on her face that she is in no shape to tell this story.

"After the video was shown, all of the leaders had a meeting to decide the outcome of the video and what would happen to the city." Everyone nods. They all know this. "During that meeting, there was a discussion as to what to classify those who retrieved the video. Four was sent out for obvious reasons."

"Why?" This came from Zeke.

"There would be a conflict of interest with him. He is dating Tris, and his father was involved."

"Makes sense," Lauren says.

"There were a lot of opinions on this topic. The factionless wanted Tris, Christina, and the others to be considered traitors and tried as such."

"Shocker." Uriah rolls his eyes sarcastically.

Tori looks at him, questions in her eyes. "Why do you say that, like it is no surprise?"

"It is obvious that Evelyn hates Tris. Her factionless goons just do whatever she says. And she really hates Marcus, though no one blames her. Why was she in the room?"

"She wasn't," Tori answers Uriah. "We told her that if Four wasn't allowed in, she wasn't. She left."

I continue with the story. "There was a lot of debating going on. Eventually, Tori cut in. She basically told them that as the one who actually fought Tris, she should be allowed to have a say. When everyone had quieted down, she told them that those who retrieved the video should not be considered traitors. That though they may have handled everything wrong, they work working towards the good of the city. Tori said that she would vote against traitor status. After that, we held the voting. The only ones who voted for traitor status were the two factionless remaining in the room. If Tori did not speak up, there is a good chance it could have gone the other way."

The room is silent after this announcement. The silence continues for a few minutes until Four walks in. "How is she?" asks Shauna.

"She woke up, but they had to sedate her," Four tells us, like he is numb inside.

"What is the plan for releasing her?" Uriah asks.

Four looks at Tori and me. "The doctor wants to keep her here for awhile, even once she is recovered physically. He may need help with that though."

-page break-

Tori's POV

I know exactly what Four means by that statement, and I know Harrison does also. The meaning seems lost on everyone else though.

"What does that mean?" Lauren sounds confused.

"Just that she may need some extra help working though everything," Harrison tells him.

The doctor comes out at this moment. "I see everyone is still here. Since Tris is sleeping, I suggest everyone either go and get some rest or go and do something else. I am sorry, but we need this space in case something happens." We all go to leave, but he calls out "Tori, Harrison, and Four! A word?"

We follow the doctor back to his office. I keep thinking back to the first time I met Tris, back when she was still a way to curious Abnegation girl name Beatrice who asked me about my hawk tattoo. I compare the girl I met then to the broken girl I saw yesterday, knowing that it partly my fault she is this way. Her mother and father died protecting her, her brother was a traitor who handed her over for torture. Christina was right. I did have plenty of opportunities to forgive her. I know logically I did not cause Tris to try to kill herself, but emotionally I feel partially responsible. I can tell from the look on Four's, Christina's and Uriah's faces that they feel the same way. I think all of her friends feel at least partially responsible.

The doctor explains about the procedure in having Tris admitted against her will. I had realized that I would not normally sign the paperwork, but it is a unique situation. I pass the paper to Harrison to read, who then passes it to Four. When Four passes it back, Harrison and I sign it. As I am handing it back to the doctor, I hear ""She is really going to hate me now, isn't she?" I can tell that Four did not mean to voice that thought out loud.

"She might for awhile. You need to be prepared for that, all three of you. You should prepare her other friends for that as well. Many suicidal people get angry with those who prevent them from succeeding in their plans to kill themselves. It is only after they start to get and accept help that the anger starts to leave. Tris will forgive and thank you all one day. Just remember, it will be a long and hard road for everyone." He also tells us she will not be the youngest, which I know makes us all feel a little better.

We thank him and leave the office. We start to head to the waiting room, but Four stops at an intersection.

"I am going to head back to Tris's room. See you later."

"How are you holding up?" Harrison asks him.

"Ask me later, when I have had more of a chance to process everything."

"Can we see her?" I ask this hesitantly.

Four just stares at me, analyzing. He turns and starts to walk, which Harrison and I take as a sign to follow. Four leads us to a room with a single bed. Tris is lying on the bed asleep. She is hooked up to monitors, IVs, oxygen, and has bandages on her arms. None of us go in, just stand by the door. The doctor comes over to us, and asks to speak to me alone. I nod, but before I can follow, Harrison grabs my arm. "I am going to tell Four," He says quietly. I just nod, understanding Harrison meant about the meeting for the video.

The doctor leads me back to his office. "I meant to ask you to stay behind earlier. I apologize for this."

"It is fine. What do you need?" The doctor points to a chair, so I sit as he goes to sit behind his desk.

"I am talking to everyone was mentioned in her note in order to help Tris in treatment. How long have you known Tris?"

"I conducted her Aptitude Test." This seems to shock him, but he writes it down.

"The note said that you were like a mother to her. Why was that?"

"As I said, I did her aptitude test. I also did her first tattoos. We just built up a relationship from there. She came to me when she needed advice. We developed a mother-daughter like relationship over the course of her initiation."

"Tris said you would not even look at her. What happened?"

I take a deep breath. I knew this was coming eventually. "You know the video that was shown?" The doctor just nods. "Tris, Christina, and a few others teamed up to get it. Tris fought against me in Jeanine's private office. I helped prevent them from being tried as traitors, but I was hurt that she did not come to me. I have been refusing to accept her apology since."

"How are you holding up?" The doctor asks me this after he finished writing everything down.

"Logically I know I did not force Tris to try to kill herself, but I feel like it is my fault. That she would be fine if I had forgiven her."

"It is normal to feel that way. Just remember that even if you had forgiven her, there is still a good chance we would still be in this same situation. Your name may just not have been mentioned. Suicide is an outward sign of a deeper psychological issue." I nod and get up to leave. "Remember Tori, I am here if you need t talk. Pass that message on to Four, Christina, or anyone else that may need it."

I thank him and head back to where Four and Harrison are. They have entered the room now. Four is sitting on a chair, holding Tris's hand. Four nods to me over Harrison's shoulder.

"Well, I will be off. See you later." Harrison walks off after realizing that Four was greeting me.

"Thanks for keeping her safe after the video was shown, Tori." Four thanks me.

"No problem. I am going to go get food. Want anything?"

"No thanks." I nod and leave the room, shutting the door behind me.

I run into Harrison around the corner. "I thought you were leaving."

"Wanted to make sure no major fights broke out."

We walk around the corner and peer into Tris's room. We see Four kissing Tris's head. It looks like he is murmuring things into her hair. Harrison and I turn and walk out of the infirmary.

"People are going to eventually find out about this." I tell him.

"I know."

"What do we say?"

'Why don't we wait until that time comes?"

We walk to the dining hall in silence.

-Page break-

Four's POV

Once Tori leaves, I let out a sigh. What I told Harrison was true. I have not had time to process everything, anything actually. All I know is that I almost lost Tris. That is the one thing I have to make sure never happens. I bend over and kiss her forehead.

"I promise I will be here for you. I will do whatever it takes to help you get through this."

I rest my cheek on her forehead, thinking back over everything that has led us to this point. I think back to the first time I saw Tris, when she jumped into the net. I knew then there was something different about her, though the fact that she would be the one to break down all of my defenses did not even strike me as being in the realm of possibility. I think back over initiation, from her struggling to learn to fight, to winning capture the flag, finding out she was divergent, our first kiss at the bottom of the chasm. I know the war was hard on her, it was on everyone. She was so good a hiding everything and keeping it all in. I think that is a downfall of our Abnegation upbringing. We were taught to keep everything in to avoid coming across as selfish.

I kiss her forehead again, and look up when I hear the door open. I see the doctor walk in.

"You're not a medical doctor, are you?" That is the first thing out of my mouth.

"I am a medical doctor who also has had extra training in the field of mental health. That gives me the ability to work in the infirmary as a normal doctor, but as a psychiatrist when needed." I just nod, and turn back to Tris, rubbing my thumb over her knuckles. I sense the doctor watching me.

"What is your name?" I finally ask him.

"Doctor Sinclair. How are you holding up?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"You were closest to Tris. Her note was addressed to you. You were going to propose. It is a fair question. You know that you can talk to me, right? Nothing you say will leave the two of us."

I debate asking him the question that has been bothering me since I first found Tris. Dr. Sinclair obviously notices my debate and sits in the other chair.

"I promise. Nothing you say will leave this room. We can go to my office if you like."

"Just tell me one thing. Is any of this my fault? I keep thinking back over everything that has happened since the war ended, trying to find any hints that she was this depressed. Looking back, there are some signs, but nothing obvious. I just feel that if I hadn't been late to see her yesterday, none of this would have happened."

"What signs were there?"

"She withdrew some. She wasn't eating as much. That was it. Others in the compound have done things like this. Uriah withdrew for a period of time when we arrived back. He was worse than Tris when he did it. I just keep thinking there was more I could do."

Dr. Sinclair watches me for a few seconds, waiting to see if I add anything else. When I don't, he starts to speak.

"None of this is your fault. Even if you had not been late, there is still a good chance something else would have made Tris feel like suicide was the best solution. People who are suicidal and attempt suicide are depressed to the point that they feel like there is no hope, like people would be better off without them. A lot of the time, those who are suicidal feel worthless. So no, it is not your fault."

"You just said my actions triggered her attempt."

"Let me ask you this. Have you ever been late meeting her before?"

"Yes…"

"That is my point. Even if you had been on time, there is a good chance that something in the future would have triggered this same reaction. An argument with you. A disagreement with her best friend. Anything at all. Even her making a mistake. These are all things that have been known to trigger suicide attempts in those who are depressed and suicidal. Just remember what I told you before; she will need your love and support now more than ever before."

"Ok."

"Bye, Four. Make sure you eat and get some sleep."

"Okay, and thanks doctor." He smiles and nods as he leaves.

As he shuts the door behind him, I turn back to Tris. I brush back hair that has fallen into her face. I kiss her forehead again. I lay my head next to hers on the bed. "I love you, Tris." I whisper that right before I fall back to sleep, making sure my hand is still locked around hers.


	6. Confusion all Around

**A/N It's finally here! From now n, i am going to try to update every other week, so I can alternate with my other story. Just so you know, I update the other chapters, and replaced them. I changed some things. Most is with grammar, but some stuff is plot. Nothing major, just stuff I changed because I felt it had a greater impact. This chapter is a little shorter that the others, but it is emotional. Same disclaimers and warnings as before.**

Uriah's POV

Christina, Shauna, Lauren, Zeke, and I watch the three leaders follow the doctor out of the waiting room. "What was that all about?" I ask. They all just shrug in response. "What does everyone want to do? I plan on coming back tonight after dinner."

"We could go see a movie," Zeke suggests.

"We could go shopping." Lauren directs this at Christina, but gets no response.

"I'm just really tired. I did not sleep well last night. I plan on going home and taking a nap," Christina informs us.

"Sounds good to me," Shauna says, "I'll come with you."

"I can take a nap on my own."

"I know Chris, but Harrison did say you were not to be alone. We can go to your apartment. I'll chill there." Shauna says this in a voice that demands no arguments. I am sure if it was a normal day, Chris would argue, but she looks like she is about to drop any second.

"I just need to get my stuff from your apartment."

"Don't worry about it. Head home. I'll bring it by in a few minutes. You need to get to sleep," Lauren says to Christina.

Christina and Shauna wave and walk off. Lauren bids Zeke and me good bye, and leaves.

"What do you want to do Uriah?" Zeke asks.

"Sleep."

"Sounds good to me."

Zeke and I head off to our apartment. Once we get there, we find a note shoved under the door inviting us to go over to Shauna's and Lauren's apartment for dinner at 6:30. It was more like ordering us over. I head back to my room, after a stop in the bathroom, and set my alarm for 3:00. I figure, since it is about noon, a three hour nap will get me through till night. I am about to change into sweats when Zeke walks in.

"Uriah?"

"What's up, Zeke?" He heads further into my room, leaning against my dresser.

"Are you sure your holding up okay? Tris was one of your best friends. I just want to make sure you're okay."

I just sigh. "I'm still in shock, Zeke. I think I will have a better answer for you once I get some sleep."

"Okay." He walks over and gives me a hug. It shocks me at first. We are not the type of people who are big on hugs. After a few seconds, I decide to return the hug. "Just remember I am here if you need to talk. Get some sleep. I'm going to do the same."

"Thanks, Zeke."

He nods and walks out of his room. I change and climb into bed. I fall asleep instantly.

-Page Break-

The next thing I know, my alarm is going off. I roll over and slap it. I climb out of bed and get dressed in what I was wearing before. I go to the bathroom before heading into the kitchen to make lunch. Zeke joins me while I am sitting at the table eating.

"Sleep well?"

"Yeah. I think knowing Tris will survive made it easier."

"Same here."

He makes himself lunch and sits across from me. We finish eating in silence and head to the living room. We turn on the TV and just sit there in silence. I am not sure if either one of us is really paying attention to it. We watch it until it is time to head to Shauna's and Lauren's. The only time one of us moves is to get a drink or use the bathroom.

Once we arrive at the apartment, a few minutes early, we see Christina there. Both Zeke and I give her a hug. She seems surprised at that, more so at Zeke, but she retunes it. Shauna and Lauren also seem shocked, but do not say anything. This is the most Zeke has expressed his sensitive side ever. I guess it's because, even though I am really close to Tris, Chris is closer to Tris than I will ever be.

-Page Break-

Zeke's POV-

I know everyone is shocked at how sensitive I am being, but I cannot help it. While I am known as the prankster and clown, I know when it is not appropriate. This situation is not one of those times. While the war was serious and stressful, it was different. The only way to go on had been to decompress occasionally, such as paintball when we returned to the compound and needed to block the cameras. This is more serious in a way, or seems like it. Tris did this to herself, and it feels like our faults. We all know it isn't, but knowing it logically and the feelings in our hearts are two different things.

The five of us eat dinner without much talking. We try to make small talk, but it fails horrendously. Everything we try to talk about just seems insignificant. Once we finish, we clean up and head to the infirmary. We get there at about 7:30, only to find Harrison and Tori.

"How long have you two been here?" questions Lauren.

""About an hour," Harrison replies.

"Four still with Tris?" Shauna wonders.

"Yep. He went back in for a little while. The doctor is kicking him out tonight though."

Tori just sits there, still looking like she may break down. I think about giving her a hug, but wonder how it will be received. I then remember how she basically saved Christina and Tris single-handedly after the war, and decide to go ahead anyway. I walk over to her and give her the hug. She appears more shocked than Chris did, but returns it also, even though it is rather hesitantly. I let go after a second. I turn back to rest of the group, who are looking at me, with various degrees of shocked looks on their faces.

"Not to be rude, but mind if I ask what that was for. Earlier you hated my guts."

"You seemed like you needed it." Tori looks at me for a moment, then just shrugs.

"Thanks."

"No problem." We drop the topic after that. I turn to Harrison next.

"Has anyone made sure Four ate, had a shower, and changed clothes?"

"Yes. Tori and I forced him to 45 minutes ago. Right when we got here, we dragged him to his apartment and refused to let him leave until he showered and changed. We then forced him to eat."

"Bet he loved that," Uriah retorted.

"Well, the doctor thanked us. Said it was all they could do to get him to leave the room. He has refused anytime they asked,," Tori offered this tidbit.

"Did they have to sedate her again at all?" Christina sounded worried.

"Apparently," Tori sounds upset when she lets us know.

The doctor walks in right after this and looks at all of us.

"Uriah, may I please talk to you?"

Uriah nods, and gets up to follow the doctor.

-Page break-

Uriah's POV

I follow Dr. Sinclair back to his office.

"What's up?"

"First off, who are you doing?"

"I'm worried about Tris."

"That's normal. Do you blame yourself at all?"

"I feel guilty that I did not know how depressed she was. I think we all are though. Logically, I know it isn't my fault, but I still feel like I am partially to blame."

"That's normal."

"Anything else?"

"What is your relationship with Tris?"

"She is like a sister to me."

"How long have the two of you been friends?"

"Since partway through our initiation."

"Who was Marlene, and what was your relationship with her?"

"Marlene was my girlfriend. We had known each other since childhood, but started dating during initiation."

"How did she die? I am assuming it was during the war?"

"Yes. It was after we returned to the compound from Candor. Marlene was one of the three who were affected by the long-rage simulation serum. She was actually the one who delivered the message about the divergent. Hector, Shauna's little brother, along with another little girl were also affected. Tris saved Hector from jumping since Shauna had already been shot. She felt Lynn and her family had been affected enough. Christina saved the other little girl."

"Do you blame Tris for Marlene's death?"

"No. It is in no way her fault. Jeanine, along with the former Dauntless leaders were the ones who manipulated Marlene, Hector, and the little girl. I blame all of them."

"Who was Lynn? I am assuming she also was killed in the war since she is not in the waiting room."

"Lynn was a childhood friend of Marlene and me. She and Tris did not get along at first, but they became good friends as initiation went on. When she met Christina and Will, they became friends also. Marlene was also Tris's, Christina's, and Will's friend."

"What happened to her?"

"She was killed during the final attack on Erudite. Tris was there when she died. It is probably affecting her."

"That's good to know. Anything else you think is important?"

"Not that I can think of."

"I am here if you need to talk at all."

"Thank you, Doctor."

I get up and leave the office. I head back to the waiting room and sit down. A few minutes later, Dr. Sinclair comes back out, followed by Four.

"I think it would not be a good idea for anyone to see her tonight. Come back tomorrow, and we will see then."

We all nod and head to our apartments, with the same sleeping arrangements as the night before.

-Page Break-

Tris POV

I wake up a few hours later, felling extremely groggy. It takes me a minute to realize where I am. I look over and see Tobias with his head on the hospital bed, asleep. He is grasping my hand extremely hard. I twitch my fingers, and his head pops up.

"Hey." He gives me a smile. I try to smile back, but can't. I feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I try to hide it by turning my head. I have no idea why he is here. The way he has been acting this past week, it is obvious he doesn't care about me. He doesn't let me turn my head. "Hey, look at me. Don't cry." He leans down and kisses my head.

This just causes me to break down. I have no idea why he is acting this way. I break down harder when he pulls me into his arms. I can't take it, and shove him away.

"Tris?"

"Stop acting like this when you don't care about me!"

"Tris. I love you."

"Stop lying. Please." He tries to hug me, but I shove him away again. I can't take it, so I start scratching my arms above the bandages, trying to draw blood. There is nothing sharp in the room, so my nails will have to do.

"Tris, please stop." He is practically begging me, almost crying. I have no idea why he is taking this act so far. A part of me thinks he may be telling the truth, but a larger part, the majority, knows he is lying. Just scratch harder.

Four yells for the nurse or a doctor, grabbing my hands. I try to fight him off, but am still feeling slightly groggy. I am yelling at him, mainly that I hate him, though I am cursing at him some. I feel needle prick, and I start to feel really tired. "I really hate you Four." I know the name will hurt him, and I don't care. As I fall back to sleep, I see Tobias against the wall while Tori and Harrison come to the door. I feel nurses; at least I think they are, cleaning my new injuries. I see Tobias leave while my eyes close. My last though before I drift off is that I wonder if I finally drove him away.

-Page Break-

Four's POV

I startle when I feel Tris that Tris is awake. I smile at her, hoping she will return it. When I realize she is starting to cry, but trying to hide it from me, it hurts. I try to stop her crying by showing that I love her, but I make it a thousand times worse. When she starts scratching at her arms, I almost break down. I scream for help while I grab her hands. I can tell she is still feeling tired from before since she is not fighting back as hard. When the nurses come in, I back off, leaning against the wall. When Tris says she hates me after she is sedated, I am hurt, though I try not to take it personally. Tori and Harrison walk in at this time. We watch as nurses start cleaning and bandaging Tris's arms. Harrison and Tori tell me I really need to eat something and shower. I see Dr. Sinclair behind them, and he motions to me. I nod.

I leave the room, promising Tori and Harrison I will meet them in the waiting room. I follow Dr. Sinclair to his office.

"How are you feeling after all that, Four?"

"I know I shouldn't, but I feel upset and hurt she doesn't believe I love her. Plus, it really hurt to see her hurt herself like that. I hate how I could not take away her pain."

"I understand, but you need to remember that she is struggling right now. She needs understanding right now. I suggest taking a break to regroup."

"Harrison and Tori are forcing me to go eat, shower, and change." Dr. Sinclair just laughs.

"Good idea. Go chill, and then come back. You can see her for a little while longer, and then come back in the morning." I go to argue, but am not allowed.

I nod, and go to the waiting room. Tori goes to ask a question, but I let them know I do not want to talk about it. They nod, and we head off to my apartment. I eat some, but I am not feeling that hungry, then take a quick shower and change. We head back to the infirmary and I head back to Tris's room. She is still sleeping. I sit there, just holding her hand, until Dr. Sinclair tells me I need to go for the night. I follow him to the waiting room and see that everyone has returned. We all leave, and I head back to Zeke and Uriah's apartment for another sleepless night.


End file.
